I Just Got Busted!

Jeff just called me to tell me that he was stopped today in Target by a friend that inquired what was going on with the Blog. This person (you know who you are :) ) even rattled off the last day I posted. That is impressive. Thank you for asking, Ms. Target Shopper. That means you care! :)

Of late, I have been at a loss for things to write here. Jeff always tells me "Just write the truth." The truth is ugly and Karin was/is about being positive. I also do not want to be a downer, there is enough of that out there. I promised Jeff that would keep this up as long as he wanted me to. If that is when he is 90 and I am much younger :), I am okay with that. Just think Jeff, when you are 90, it really will not be much longer until you see Karin again.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. I reminded Jeff to go to Target and get the kids their Valentines. For years, Karin and I have always made them. Some years we would make the same things and some years they would be different but they were always cute. It breaks my heart that she is not here to help make a life saver cupid arrow. Last year Karin, Salina and Noah made cute little Hot Chocolate packets with chocolate covered spoons.

For me, it is bittersweet being so far away. I think it is easier because I do not have reminders of Karin all over town. The school, the Starbucks, the preschool. Honestly, I don't know how you that live in Brentwood do it. The reminders I have here on the East Coast are only in my house and when they get to be too much, I can put them away. I have yet to do that though.

The 19th is right around the corner. Better get your PINK shirt ironed.

It is hard for me to believe that a year ago last week my husband and I were in CA and went to Teatro Zinzanni and Karin came with us while Jeff was out showing houses. It was a fun night and it hard to believe a year later we are where we are. How does that happen to a healthy, vibrant, mother of 2 and wife to such a sweet guy??? How?? While I question why, I know that God sees the whole picture and for whatever reason He thought this was going to be best for everyone involved. BEST? You say? Best for a 12 year old and 9 year old to be without their Mom? My Mom died when I was 26 and it is hard, but I was not 9!! But yes, Best. God is still in control here. If we saw the whole picture it would blow us away. That is why He only allows us to see a second at a time. What would I have done if I knew a year ago that Karin was going to die? Other than move into her house and spend every waking moment with her? God is in control. I am sure I speak for everyone in saying we are all different people through this. I know Karin pretty well and if she had to die so that her husband, her daughter, her son would learn to love God more, she would have done it. No questions asked. That was Karin, always giving of herself. ALWAYS. Even when it would put her out, she still gave. God is still in control. Salina and Noah are so blessed to have so many people that love them and love their mother. In fact, when I think about it, I think that is God's hand as well. The Carters know a lot of people. A lot of people to stand in the gap. To fill the missing parts that were left when their Mother went to Heaven. God is good. While this is a hard situation, He has not left us or abdoned us. He says, "Never will I leave you or forsake you." Deut 31:6. He loves Salina and Noah more than Jeff and Karin and all their grandparents put together and certainly has their best interest at the forefront of His mind. Still, it hurts to think of Jeff in the Target Valentine section trying to decide if he should get Fun Dip or Conversation hearts. At the same time I want to jump on a plane and make their Valentines. Believe me, I thought about it.

Well, hopefully, this makes up for the silence. Sorry if this is a downer, but this is what is in my head right now.

I leave you with Jeff's new fav. pic. Hopefully, next week we will have a pic. of Salina with her new smile. What a great looking gal.