This is a sweet pic of all the Carter grandchildren and their Royal fathers performing the Living Nativity in Chuck and Enola's living room. I almost cry when I think I did not get to see this live. I think it is one of the cutest things ever. Well done, kiddos.

I posted this last year (from Tom & Terry) but it so good I felt it would be good to read it again. I can picture her saying these very things.

Merry Christmas From Heaven
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold winterey nights

I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above the crowd
Keep trying each moment
to stay in his grace
I came here before you
to help set your place

You don't have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
in a new special way
I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year

Have a very blessed Christmas.

Check out the counter. :)

Today I do know what to say!

Happy Birthday Jeff! How's the sunglass pic for a great gift?

I never know what to say. . .

I added a new song over there. I love this song that basically is about not taking life for granted. We all do that - but Karin's beautiful face should be a reminder not to. Perhaps we should all live with more intention and less going through the motions.

The Carter's tree is up, Enola and Salina have been making Peppermint Bark and they have been shopping. I am praying this year will be easier than the last.

Here's the annual Carter Disneyland picture. Enjoy.

1 Thes 5:16-18
Always be joyful and never stop praying. Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do.

I thankful that she's in Heaven with You, Lord.

Happy Birthday sweet Noah! You are one of my favorite guys on the planet!! God made you especially special.

Have a fun day at Disneyland. xo

Noah for President!

So, remember how my 3 kids and Salina and Noah believe they are all brothers and sisters?

A couple of days ago Morgan and Cole (same ages as Salina and Noah, respectively) were talking about the election. I don't even remember the content of the conversation but I remember asking Jack if he knew who the president was? I knew he was not going to say W. but I was interested to hear what he was going to come up with - he is 3, after all. Without skipping a beat he said, "Noah. Noah is president."

So, feel free to "write in" Noah today on your ballot.

Happy Birthday Salina! Thirteen!! (Teen! wow!) I love you sweetie. Wish I was there. I am very proud of you!

Happy Birthday Bff

Happy Birthday, sweet one. You are very missed.

Today, in honor of you, I will:

Thank the Lord for the sunrise.
Make a nice dinner, and use my good dishes.
Make an Angel Food cake (your fav) from scratch, because that is what you would expect.
Turn up the music, loud.
Kiss all my children
Tell yours how much I love them.
Not worry about the dust, the dishes, the homework.
Tell Rod how wonderful he is and how lucky he is have me. :0
Rip out the carpet while Rod works. . .just kidding.

You should take great joy in knowing you will be forever young while the rest of us get wrinkles.

So glad God gave me you and your sweet family.

Love,
Me

I'd like to welcome Natalie Grant to Bff's playlist over on the sidebar. I have been waiting for this song to be available in playlist form ('cause you know I could not figure that out on my own!). Anyway, take a listen. It has been around a few years. You may have heard it on KLove (or whatever Christian station you got).

Kids are great. Jeff is great. And they are held in the palm of His hand while Karin looks on.

Today is PINK Day! But, today is a different PINK day that the rest. Today is the last time I will remind you it is PINK day. I have concluded that if you are wearing PINK in honor of the Carters (and you have been doing it this long) you are true blue and don't need to be reminded. So, I guess I am kinda letting go a little and that is probably a good thing. I will wear PINK for the rest of my life on the 19th of every month. In fact, any time I am wearing PINK you can be sure I am thinking of Karin. It is just one of those things that reminds me of Karin. Kinda like the Life is Good store. :) And a bunch of other stores, come to think of it (wink, wink).


Have a PINK day!

Sorry for the quiet from my end. No explanation.

The kids made it through the first week of school. I had to laugh when Jeff told me that Salina's teacher (name withheld to protect her :) )closed the door on the parents the first day of school. It is a good thing I was not there (or Karin!). I would have been crying outside the door with camera in hand. "I need pictures!!" Perhaps you should bring Starbucks, Jeff?? Does she not know who we are??!! We've been hanging out in the classroom since Kindergarten. Why stop at 7th grade?? :)

We are light years away from where we were a year ago this time. I am not going to point out all the details, and I just going to give the glory to God for getting us through it. Just know that it is much better, and next year will be much better. . .

Jeff is extremely busy at work. That is a blessing on so many fronts. Thank you Lord for providing for them. They don't need one more thing to worry about.

I was talking with Rod the other day about Joel Osteen. I get a lot of grief for liking this guy. :) I just love everything that comes out of his mouth. Yes, he can be cheesy, yes, his smile is the size of Texas. But, God's truth flows from him in an non-confronting manner. You all know who I am talking about, right? Anyway, if you do not know his story here is the shortened Bethian version:

Joel's father, John, was a pastor of a large church (6000 in attendance) in Texas. Joel was the cameraman and made it quite clear that he would not be IN FRONT of the camera, only behind it. John had a heart attack and was in the hospital recovering. John was going to miss preaching while he was in the hospital so he called his son Joel and asked him to preach. Joel, at first, told him "no" stating that that was not his area of ministry. After some thought, he went back to his father and told him he would preach, but just this once while he was in the hospital. His Dad listened to him from his hospital room. The next day, his dad died of a heart attack. Joel preached the next Sunday, and the next, and the church that his father planted now packs out every Sunday at the Compaq center. Their attendance is 47,000 and it is the largest church in the nation.

I say all that to say, sometimes, a lot of times, God brings people Home to Heaven because more will come to know Jesus in their death than had they been alive. Are you following me? If John Osteen had not died of a heart attack then his church may still be at 6,000. We will never know, but through his death God raised up his son to touch even more lives.

I believe this is the case with Karin. I have countless, I mean COUNTLESS, emails telling me how Karin's story of life and death have changed people. I have at least 40 emails from people telling me they went to the dermatologist, where 2 years ago they never even knew what a dermatologist was. I have a handful of emails from people telling me that they had a mole removed and that it was cancer. If Karin had not gone through what she went through we would not have even been checking our moles or taking stock in the important things in life. Frankly, we are not promised tomorrow. We had best not waste today. Say and do what you need to do today. We may not be here tomorrow.

Well, I think I have done enough deep thinking for today.

Have A Great PINK Day!

Soooo, I have noticed that Skyline Church (the one in referenced in the previous post) sermon page is being "updated". I will call them and find out when they will have it fixed and then post and let you readers know! You don't want to miss it!!

Just a few more days before school starts - the 25th!

The above beads are for a scrapbook page I am working on. Cute, Huh?

A Few Good Things

I always hate posting when there is a picture at the top of the screen because then the picture is not the first thing you see. :(

There are a couple of things that I have helped me understand Heaven more. Both I have read/listened to either on the plane to take Noah home or on our way to Myrtle Beach last weekend. I want to share them with you. Hopefully, they will encourage you and help you to understand a place that is beyond earthly words.

First, is the book called "The Shack" by William P. Young. You must know that I am not a reader. I'd much rather be scrapbooking. :) But, this book came recommended to me and I could not put it down. In fact, on the plane to take Noah home, he was apparently bored that I was reading so much. He said, "Mrs. Frazier, the 'fasten seat belt' sign is on and that means you can't read." ;)The book is fiction. It is about grief - more specifically about a father and daughter. It gives great insight to Heaven and the love of God, and why He allows us to suffer. You can get it at the Christian Book Store, Sam's Club, Wal-mart, etc. You will cry your way through it and think of 10 people you could pass it along to.

Second, is a series of sermons from one of Terry's friend's church, Skyline Church Rancho San Diego. Here is the link: http://www.skylinechurch.org/index.php Over to the left you see "sermons", click on that and find the 5 part series called, "If I die before I wake". I downloaded them on my Ipod (is that the best invention, ever?) and listened to them last weekend. The first one is especially great. He gives lots of scripture reference and encourages you to look them up so that you can share his message with others. I am going to listen to them again because there is a lot of information.

So, that is the end of my book/sermon club. If you got others, let me know!

I Do's

Fifteen years ago today Jeff & Karin said their "I do's". 'Till death do they part.

Even then, he has not parted.

When I was talking to Jeff yesterday and we were talking about their anniversary, I reminded him to focus on the great 14 (almost) years they did have, not they years they did not get to have. Then I added that that did not even include the time they were not married. Jeff reminded me that they had known each other since they were 14. Fourteen? That is a along time. Let's see, if had known my husband when he was 14 I would have been 9. :) Hee hee. That is a long time to have known and loved someone.

You will have lots of memories to keep you occupied today, Jeff.

Living on His Grace & Mercy Everday

I got home from taking Noah home late last night. I always feel like a celebrity when I go to see the Carters. I get the red carpet rolled out for me. Noah and I were not even in the car at the aiport before Jeff's Mom, Enola, was filling me in where we were going for the evening. Brought a smile to my face. What girl would not like the celebrity treatment??

I have gotten to spend a lot of time with Noah over the last 10 days and he has such a good handle on missing his mom. He misses her, yes, but he is happy to talk about her. One day he came downstairs while I was making M & M cookies. He asked what was I making and I told him. He said, "My Mom makes those. Where did you learn to make those?" I told him that my Mom had taught me to make them. He smiled. I reminded him that my Mom was in Heaven too and then I said, "Maybe your Mom and my Mom are making these cookies together in Heaven." Another big smile. I just have a peace that he is in a good place in his grieving.

Jeff is doing well. He is noticably different. He has a lot on his plate and he has alot of help to try and cover all the bases. He is running from 6AM to 11PM. His to-do list is a mile long. Single Dad stuff. All that said, he knows he is blessed. He said when he starts to forget it he thinks of Karin's friend Shannon who recently died of cancer and Shannon's husband died a few years earlier. Left behind are two kids the same age as Salina and Noah without any parent to raise them.

It could be so much worse.

With God's grace and mercy we will make it through. Day by day.

They all still need prayer. And a lot of it. The after school homework/dinner/bedtime process is overwhelming, at best. There used to be 1:1 ratio for homework and now there is not. (when school starts, I mean). Noah needs someone to almost stand over him to keep him focused and that is not always possible, even with the grandparents pitching in. It is stressful. Please pray about the logistics of the after school/evening time frame.

Both kids deeply miss their Mommy but Salina is at such a critical age to not have her Mommy near her. It concerns me, for sure, but I know that God allowed us to go here, so He must think we can handle it. This is where we can pray for His grace and mercy to follow these kids. God is the father to the fatherless. I have to believe He is the Mother to the Motherless too.

I leave you with 2 cute pictures. One of the kids swimming and the other is of Noah's "bed" on his last night at our house. All the kids slept in our Bonus Room (by choice - we have plenty of extra beds!). They spent hours making their "beds". Noah slept on the seats of 3 chairs, a ottoman, and a big cushion on top to make it comfy.

Hours of Entertainment for $17.99

We bought this game, Uno Spin, on Wednesday at Target. The three of them played it for about 6 hours Wednesday and probably another 4 today. Money well spent, in my opinion.

As you can see, Noah is very good at remembering to draw cards in this game.

Yes, those are ALL his cards.

Sequence

We just finished playing Sequence. Noah and I won the first round and then Cole was on my team which left Morgan and Noah (who forgets to draw his cards after his turn) on their own team. Morgan said their team was the disability team . :) She ran and made their "team sign" (handycap??). We all had a good laugh over it. What fun is it if you can't laugh at yourself? Morgan labeled herself ADD on her sign and left off the H in the ADHD. They're a pair, those two. Believe me, we can't leave out the H!!!

And, do you see Karin again in Noah's face?

Oh, and notice the tie dye and puffy paint shirts? Those were yesterday's craft projects. I'm running a summer camp here.

His Mother . . .

. . .Up and down, left and right. I took this pic of Noah this afternoon downtown in front of the Falls. It is a little dry now because of the lack of rain. When I downloaded the picture on my computer and it popped up on my screen it was like looking at Karin. That look, the smile. . .I will put another pic I took of Karin with this exact look so you can see for yourself! BTW, I did NOT dress Noah today.

Band of Brothers Re-united

I just took this - must be polo day. Please forgive the messy room - she is 12! and well, we have to pick our battles. Right now the boys are chasing 1 girl around the house with toy weapons (c'mon this is the South, afterall).

Countdown continues. . .

Counting The Days. . .

Dear BFF,
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss our 14 phone conversations in one day. I miss your standard, "hi ya" when you see me or talk to me. I miss your "gotta go!" that goes with an abrupt hang up because someone has found you in the closet. I miss your Monster Cookies. I miss you alerting me to what is on sale at Gap and Old Navy. I miss you telling me the cutest craft whatever that you have seen that we are now going to make for all our kids teachers. That one really hurts. I miss making little scrapbook things for you and you loving everything that my creative hands produce. I miss talking to you about Survivor. I'll never forget the one season you forgot to watch the finale. My kids miss you too. They miss hanging out with you and eating nothing but potato chips while they are at your house. Our friendship was full of fun memories.
I get a smile on my face and a lump in my throat when I think of you. I believe, with all my heart, that God allows you to see us. I don't know that for sure but that helps me get through missing you. It makes missing you slightly easier.
Your kids are good. They are alive, healthy and doing good in school. Jeff swears to me that they do not eat McDonald's everyday. They miss you and I am sure their list of misses would be 15 times longer than mine. They are great, great kids in which you should be very proud. Jeff does all he can to keep it all together and keep all the balls going. But, lets face it, you did it all and sometimes that shows in how we have tried to pick up the pieces. You were an amazing Mom, wife, daughter and friend. I can only hope to be half of what you are. When you see Cole eating a bag of chips all day (and nothing else!) you will know that I have arrived completely. I'm a ways off.
I am keeping up my promise (tears) to you and watching over your kids as much as I can from 4000 miles away. I think Jeff & Rod would both vouch for me that the miles have not stopped me much. I adore them, as if they were my own, and I believe God put that love for them in my heart. But, I am a poor fill-in for you.
I hope you are saving a place for me. I'll be there soon.

Love,
Bethey

P.S. In honor of you (are you ready for this??) I got a tattoo yesterday. Lord, it hurt soooooo bad. I'd rather deliver one of my 10 pound kids than do that again. I was racking my brain over what to get that would mean something. Then it came to me that I should get a Forget Me Not. I told Morgan and she loved it - so I knew you would too. Forget Me Nots have 5 petals. One petal for each of my kids and one for Salina and Noah. Remember those are the seed packets that you wanted Jeff to send in the mail??
P.P.S The Bi-pass is finished! I have the last laugh on that one!


For all you Blog Followers: Jeff asked me to say a big, big warm thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for caring, thank you for wearing pink, thank you for being you. Thank You!!

She very well could have saved his life. . .

We just go the pathology report back on Cole's mole that was removed by a plastic surgeon last Friday. The mole is NOTHING. Thank the Lord. As I was thinking about the results, it occurred to me that Karin is still giving. Had we not gone through what we did with Karin in the 3 months prior to her passing, that mole that has been there since he was small, would not have even caught my eye. The doctor has told me how moles changes over time, especially as a child enters puberty and that is why they were so aggressive to remove it. Not to mention it was shaped strange and not symmetrical. God deserves all the glory on this one, but I will say he used Karin to possibly save Cole's life. Like I said before, she would have given me the shirt off her back.

Just 12 days until Noah comes!!! Morgan has spent the better part of 2 days working on a sign to welcome Noah. She's bored, its Summer vacation. You remember the drill. We can't wait Noah!!

Noah, the celebrity . . .

The older kids and I were just out at the nursery. On the way home one of them asked, "How long until Noah gets here?" I had to calculate and then I responded, "17". We decided we are going to make a big sign that says, "Welcome Home Noah!". He is like a celebrity, the kids are so excited. We can't wait for you to come Noah!!!

We have hope

As the one year anniversary of Karin's passing is quickly approaching, I have been thinking a lot about the past year. A year ago, I never thought we would make it this far. There have been days when the valley of grief is so deep that you can not see the Light. Now, a year later I can see a small shard of light in the valley. There will forever be hard days. And, the devil would have us believe that God is no where to be found and that we are in this all alone. But God says, "He will never leave us or forsake us." He has not forsaken us now, and He never will.

I was at the mall today with the boys in the little play area. A lady that looked like Karin sat down next to me and was watching her kids play as well. At first, I was not really focusing on her when I was talking to her so I did not notice her resemblance to Karin. She asked me if I just had boys and I told her I had a daughter as well. She said, "I think I want a daughter because I think of how close my mom and I are and we talk every day . . . " I zoned out because I started thinking about Salina and how when she is pregnant she will not have her mother to call and say, "I throwing up, what do I eat?" Then we started talking about preschools and as she was talking I realized she was a short haired version of Karin. She had dimples and everything. I gave the boys the 2 minute warning because I knew if I stayed there long I would start crying.

We have almost made it through what may be the hardest year of your life (depending on who you are in all this). Next year will be a little better. Yes, there will still be hard days. There will always be hard days, but God is ALL good, ALL the time and even though life is not all good, we will press on! Thank God we have hope.

Just in case you are wondering . . . On the 19th, Jeff & the kids will be on the houseboat with Karin's family. I think that is a great diversion to keep their minds off the day. I'll make sure Jeff takes some pictures.

I know this is last minute but if you get a chance, watch ABC 20/20 tonight. It starts at 10pm but the piece at the very end - around 10:45pm - is on sunscreen. It is an excellent piece and is only about 10 minutes long. What sunscreen you pick really makes a big difference.
More later :)

Do you know what these are?

I wish I could hear responses. When I told Jeff earlier that I made these today he said, "And you're sending some here?" This is Karin's fav cookie - Monster cookies. They are soo good. One year, I had her make some for my husband for Valentine's day. Yummy. As you can see jack could not wait for them to get out of the oven!

Noah is loving tutoring. When I talked to the lady last week about him coming she said, "I want him to have some summer. I don't want him to be here all the time." I replied, "He is so fun and cute, you are going to want him around."

Enjoy the Monster cookies!

Tomorrow is PINK day! What I would give to see her wearing her pink cargo camos that she loved.

I wish I was a smart enough Blogger to figure out how to put a video in here, but I am not. Quick on the following link to watch a short clip about skin cancer: http://current.com/items/88999331_scared_of_skin_cancer

Happy Father's Day Jeff & George!

Regardless of where Karin is, Jeff is still a great father to Salina and Noah. One time when Morgan and Cole were over at the Carters, Jeff taught them how to slide down the stairs in a sleeping bag! If that isn't a fun Dad I don't know what is! Kinda freaked me out but my kids thought it was great. :)

Jeff is in Redding at a golf tournament that he goes to every year. I am glad he went. He needs time to do nothing. Salina and Noah are split up at the grandparent's houses.

Thursday is PINK day!

The kids are out of school. They have lots of fun things planned for the summer. Noah will be going to tutoring so he does not get "summer brain". Salina is going to Hume Lake, Noah to VBS. They are going on the houseboat, which Karin LOVED! But the best part for me is Noah is coming here. Yippee! And, no, since I know you are wondering, he is not flying alone anywhere. The kids brought home good report cards, especially considering all that they have gone through in the past year.

I know I have posted this verse before but I heard it from the Message version the other day and it spoke to me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out -plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

God always meets us where we are at. I love how is says, "I will show up." We don't have to drive somewhere to see him, say some specific prayer, be with a certain person. He just shows up. We just have to have a willing heart. I know that God did not show up in the way I thought He would. I wanted to be sitting with Karin on her 80th birthday comparing tattoos and sipping Lemon Drops in the Bahamas. But I still have to trust Him that He knows what is best for me and Salina, Noah and Jeff. Continue to just show up, God, we continue to need YOU!

I can't remember if I Blogged this or not. Of the now 35 people that emailed me to tell me that they made dermatology appts, 7 of them had something removed. That is 20%!!! That is a lot. That is so high it scares me. I know I posted about taking Cole in for a suspicious mole on his toe. I know he has had this mole since he was at least 2. It may have been there before but I am not sure. Anyway, it has to be removed. Because of its location on his toe we have to see a Plastic Surgeon. Cole is looking forward to it. Crazy boy. Once they removed it they will send it in for testing. All this will be July 1st. Please just pray that nothing would come of this.

I still have bracelets. If you contacted me, I did not receive your email. Kinda surprised at you guys that no one has emailed me about bracelets. Also, I am going to have to take my email off the previous post as I am getting a ton of emails wanting to know if I want to meet singles, buy Viagra, or go to psychology school. As soon as I fix that I will post about it and then you can resend your emails about the bracelets.

I have received in the mail the Venti Miracle bracelets that were passed out at the Run over a year ago. My daughter said, "Mom! These are collector's items!" ;) No, for all that know me well, I will not be listing them on EBay. ;) But, they are available for cost. Jamie will have some at Celebration and I have some here if you are not local to the Brentwood area. I have larges and mediums. They are $1.50 per bracelet and if you buy one from me you will need to include a self addressed stamped (2 stamps) envelope for me to mail back to you. Again, this just covers the cost of the bracelet and Jeff is not making money on this.

Both Salina and Noah went today to have their moles checked. This was their first time. Salina has a few that just need to be watched. This is kinda a fine line to walk here. While they need to know the seriousness of this situation we don't want them to be frightened either. Just pray for wisdom for Jeff for when these things come up. Pray that these sweet children would not be fearful of going to the doctor.

Tomorrow, I will be taking my son, Cole ( 9 ), to the dermatologist. He has a mole that I believe has recently changed. When I took him to the pediatrician yesterday he believed it would need to be removed. So, pray for peace for me ('cause I am the big worrier) and that it would be nothing. If it does need to be removed, pray for no pain. I will update on that tomorrow. Cole is thinking this is a pretty cool thing to have a part of your toe removed and is hoping for some blue thread for the stitches.

TTFN

No, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth . . . we just returned from a long vacation in Florida. We went to Disney World. There are so many reminders of Karin there. That girl loved Disney Land. In the hall in their loft is a collection of portraits taken at Disneyland. Same scene on every picture but different years. The kids range from toddler with chunky baby fat (Noah ;) ) and Salina's long ringlets to recent. When they went there (in a fog) just days after Karin went to Heaven Jeff had the same picture taken. Ouch. These are my thoughts, and as my daughter would say, "That was random, Mom." But these are my thoughts.

Jeff and the kids are hanging in there. School is winding down. What a long and hard year that we will be glad is over. Summer brings a different "problem" with what to do with the kids all day not to mention, Jeff has a job. Pray that that all works out.

We are up to 30 who have gone to the dermatologist. I know Jeff has one story that he wants to tell me about a friend that had something removed and another friend of mine had something "precancerous" removed. And remember me blogging about my husband having something removed? That is 3 that I know of. That is 10% of the 30 people that went. That is a pretty high percentage of people walking around with something that could be life threatening. If nothing else we are smarter than we were before. Are my kids the only ones that practically fully clothed in UPF clothing when they go to the beach? What we do for our kids right now determines if they will have skin cancer when they are older.

More later.

A year ago today . . .

What a fabulous day this was! Not too many people get to have their lives celebrated while they are alive. This is exactly what this day was. Jeff & Karin have planted seeds for years. Seeds of generosity, seeds of kindness, seeds of friendship. Karin would have done anything for me, as I would her.

I remember one time when I was pregnant with Jackson and about to pop. She called me early one morning and told me she was picking up my kids to take them to school for me. It was out of her way - 15 minutes in the wrong direction. I argued with her and told her no until she hung up on me (that's her, huh?). Five minutes later she was at my door.

I think of the Run as Jeff and Karin reaping the benefits of what they have sown over the years.

These are a few of my fav. pics from that day. That is a day none of us that were there will ever forget.

I am a little under the weather but hopefully you remembered it is PINK Day!

Her children will rise up and call her blessed . . .

You don't have to read this Blog to know what a great Mom Karin was. I remember when our girls were in Kindergarten and she used to lay with them and "scratch their backs and pat their butts" until they fell asleep. I always used to think of the amount of time that took everyday to do that. I remember asking her one day why she did that everyday and she told me, "Some day they won't let me." That some day never came but she sure did know something that I didn't.

I don't know if you have ever noticed but Mother's Day is EVERYWHERE! I was talking to Jeff Friday night and he noticed it as well. It is on TV, in every store (except maybe Midas), it is in school, church, on the radio and on the Internet. It really is everywhere. It will forever be hard day for Salina and Noah. No one can ever fill the void in their hearts that their mother has left. It grieves me deeply that no Mother's Day will ever be like it was before. Jeff and I talked a lot about somethings that he could do to make the day easier. But it will never be easy. I speak from experience, unfortunately.

Proverbs 31 10 - 31
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
13She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
18She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
26She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Karin may not be walking this Earth anymore, but her children can still say she is blessed. No, her life was not as long as we thought it should be, but she is still blessed. How much more blessed can you be than to be in Heaven? It doesn't get much better than that. Yes, her absence on Earth has created voids in our lives. But to be "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord". If you were at her grave site today, she was not there. She is with the Lord! I can only hope that she enjoyed her first Mother's Day with her grandmothers and my mother.

We are up to 25 on our dermatology count. I have enjoyed all the emails! Keep them coming.

I know this is not a very good picture but it is the only one around. A collector's item, of sorts, and I am not parting with it. ;) It is a long story how I got this (and I can't reveal my sources, to protect their identities :) ) but this is Karin's "Fall" Starbucks order. Enjoy her writing and the good laugh you can have visualizing her ordering.

I have to report that we are up to 22 on the dermatology count! Almost halfway there.

Please pray for Jeff. I talked with him for a long time last night and he is really struggling. Single parenting is not an easy task. I have done it for 10 days and by the time the ten days is up I have my 3 just about locked in closets while I sit outside in tears. Jeff has well exceeded the 10 day point. Parenting is exhausting to begin with but doing it by yourself from 6AM to 11PM has got to get old. Please pray that Jeff would have wisdom in parenting and the energy to carry on as a single dad. My heart is grieved by all that is on his plate and the exhaustion in his voice. There are so many things that Karin (and we as moms) just do and then when that stops you realize all the work that goes into just being a Mom. Sometimes my kids come in ask me trivial questions, "Can we go out for dinner?" "Can I watch TV?". Dumb stuff that I have the answer to but just get tired of making all the decisions so I say, "Go ask your father" just so someone else can do the thinking for a while. Jeff is at that point and there is no one else to ask. He has help from his family and Karin's family - lots of it - but they have their own lives as well. I could go on and on about this but I will spare you and just ask you to pray. God is bigger than single parenting. And THANK GOD, Salina and Noah have a father that loves them and is around. Not everyone is as fortunate. That is my Mrs. Sunshine spin on that.

We are up to 15 people who have notified me about going to have a skin check. Great!

Here is a cut and pasted email from Karin's Massage Therapist, Kim. Thanks for making us aware Kim! Let me know how your appointment goes. :)

"As a massage therapist, I see parts of people's bodies they can't see such as their backs, back of their legs etc. I am always willing to point out something that doesn't look right and encourage my client to make an appointment with their doctor. I was just reading a massage magazine tonight that had a great article on melanoma. A M.T. found a melanoma on the bottom of her husband's foot during a massage. She pointed out a couple of things that I either hadn't heard of or didn't register in my mind before. Her husband's melanoma site had been where a fire ant had bitten him 4 years prior. The area had suddenly changed and caught her eye during that massage. So areas of skin that may have been injured are also potential melanoma sites. She also stated to have a person have both a woman and a man check their skin for changes. Women are better at seeing pigment changes; men at shape and density. Also take precautionary pictures every three months. Dating and comparing them. A great informative article. I don't know if you have posted this website, www.skincancer.org/melanoma/index.php ."

Can I also just say how irritated I am that our Cluster Map has been archived??? I had no idea. I liked those big red dots. Sigh . . .

Hard to believe but this picture was taken a year ago today. What I would give to hang at Fentons with her today. . . That was such a fun night. Even though she was very sick and did not feel well she had me in stitches the whole way to Oakland. Remember, Jeff?

Here is some exciting news!!!

Those of you that attended the Run for Karin nearly a year ago received a bracelet as a Thank You for coming. Two weeks ago Jeff's broke and there were no spares to be found. He has taken to wearing a bracelet that he found in Karin's things that says, "Think Pink". Us girls know where that is from! Anyway, I ordered some more bracelets that we are going to make available for cost, if you want one or need a replacement. More information to come on that as soon as I figure out the price. Jeff will not be making any money on these. You can buy one for what they cost to purchase.

Time for some updates: Since my post of encouraging people to visit the dermatologist I know 12 people that have gone and visited their dermatologist or have made an appointment. My husband went about 3 weeks ago and they biopsied a mole on his stomach. The mole was found to have "atypical" qualities to it and he went in 2 weeks ago to have it removed. He has a nice little incision that has 8 stitches. I bet he is glad that his nagging wife made him the appointment. :)
If anyone else has an update email me! I still need 38 people to make appointments!
Here is an interesting article that one of Jeff's Prudential co-workers sent to me. http://health.msn.com/health-topics/cancer/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100201678&page=1 The article suggests that FDR possible had Melanoma, unknown to him. Thanks for the article, Kelly!

THINK PINK! Just a reminder that tomorrow is Pink Day!

Don't get spoiled by all these posts so close together. It is like the good ole' days when Karin was around feeding me info.
Soooo, May is Skin Cancer and Melanoma Awareness Month. There are several factors that put you at a higher risk for this yucky disease. Again, I am not a doctor (although a mother!) so I am passing information that has been shared with me to you. Some factors include; light skin, light eyes, those that do not "tan", if you have 2 or 3 bad burns while growing up, exposure to tanning beds or sun lamps, family history (blood related), one or more atypical moles and having 50+ moles on your body. If a suspicious mole is caught early your chances are very good. Karin was very good about going to her dermatologist once a year since her original mole was removed 8 years ago. I don't want to get into why the melanoma in Karin's body was not detected earlier by doctors. That is a waste of time and it will not bring Karin back. HOWEVER, we can change what we do!! In light of May being Skin Cancer Awareness Month I would like to rally the Blog readers to visit a dermatologist. Yes, it will take an hour out of your day, but it may add years to your life. Open up the phone book and pick one out and tell them you want a full body check. And, it is not a complete exam unless you take off your clothing! They will make a "map" of your moles and then there is a baseline for any growth. So here is what I propose: I would like to see 50 of Karin's friends making an appt. to go the the dermatologist next month in Karin's honor. Salina and Noah know how much Karin is loved. They are also young and need to be reminded that their Mom is not forgotten. This is something you can do to honor Karin and remind Salina and Noah how loved their mother is and always will be. No past tense there. So, after you make your appt. email me so I can keep a tally and I will post the tally. Email me at bethey12@yahoo.com. You are not too young or too old. Karin is proof of that. Cancer does not discriminate.
I wanted to share a personal story that drives this home. Last year, when Karin first got sick my brother in law (lives in Palm Springs, CA) got on his computer and looked up what a cancerous mole looked like. He felt that the mole he was questioning on himself was not anything. He later spent some time with a close friend, Jason. Jason is in his early 30's and is a healthy father of 2 and a paramedic. My brother in law noticed a mole on his friend's arm and pointed out to him that it looked suspicious. Jason went the the dermatologist for the first time and it was biopsied and proven to be cancerous. He had the mole and a large chunk of his arm removed. None of this would have happened without Karin's story.
Looking forward to hearing from YOU!!!

Yes, you have the right Blog. I know just enough about this blogging business to get myself in trouble. Today I added the Playlist to the left with some of Karin's favorite songs or songs that remind me of her. One of Jeff's favs is on there too. I am going to add some Oldies, well, Oldies to our age group. More to follow on that. So, those of you that check here on the sly will now have to turn the volume down. Hopefully you will be encouraged by her songs.

So, today I learned the story behind the Beignets. Jeff says that pic was taken at Cafe Du Monde. http://www.cafedumonde.com/beignet.html Apparently, it is world famous. He says he has seen celebrities there lots of times. So you order you plate of Beignets that have a serious amount of powered sugar on them. Bargain of the day at $1.85 for three. When you go with a local they tell you to smell them and as you smell them they blow the sugar in your face. That explains the mess all over the kids.

Things are quiet on the home front. Johanna and her husband, Todd, visited last weekend. Jeff enjoyed watching Salina and Johanna hang out like a mom and daughter would but it also made him sad that Salina can't have that all the time. :(

Here are a few pics that Jeff sent me from their time in LA. The first one speaks for itself. That child is her mother, up and down, left and right. Forgot to ask if Salina roped him into a purchase. :) The second is a pic of the 3 eating Beignets.

Did you know . . .

A friend of Terry's, Nancy, asked me to update the Blog with information concerning protective clothing for the upcoming summer and swim season. You can get "rash guard" shirts to wear while swimming or playing at the beach or whatever water activities you and your family do. They are getting to be more widely available and are cheap. I have found both rash guard shirts and board shorts with UPF & SPF protection in the fabric for the upcoming season. Some place I would recommend looking are: Gap, Land's End (you can get a Sears or on line), LL Bean and Old Navy. The stuff at Gap is really cute :). If your kids do not already wear the shirt to swim in it may take some getting used to but is a small price to pay for the added protection.

God made the Sun!! We need some sun to live. The sun produces vitamin D that our bodies need to stay healthy and it actually protects us from some cancers. I read on the Internet that if you live above Atlanta, GA, you most likely do not get enough sun in the winter months. Talk to your doctor if that applies to you to see if you should take supplements or spend an hour or so outside in the morning without sunscreen on. I am not a doctor, I just want to put the information I have found out there.

He knows the number of your days

It was a year ago today that the cancer that lived in Karin's body was named and given a stage. Today was also the first day she took chemo. I remember her calling me from the bathroom in the Kaiser lab while she was peeing in a cup for them to tell me the awful news. She had hide in the bathroom to tell me because Jeff did not want her to worry me. (Like I wasn't going to find out?) :) It is hard to imagine how one day can forever, I mean F O R E V E R, change you but that is exactly what happened. This scripture is coming to mind:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16
God knew all along how many days Karin would have and it would not be enough for those of us left behind.
Funny story to make you laugh. About 2 years ago Karin got this bright idea to rip out the carpet in the downstairs of their house. She moved all the furniture, pulled out all the pad, all the carpet and the tack strip in the cement slab foundation and then cleaned it all up. She did all this WHILE JEFF WAS AT WORK. It was actually smart thinking on her part. She knew if she riped out the carpet Jeff would be forced to buy new carpet. And it worked. She's was a smart gal.
The day Karin started radiation she called me right after it was over to tell me that the radiologist was a cutie. She also told me that as she lay on that bed about to be radiated she was getting ready to ask the cutie pie how long she had to live. The words were literally getting ready to come out of her mouth and God spoke to her and said, "Don't you trust me?" She replied "yes." and never thought to ask again. What am amazing girl.

Today marks the one year mark of when the Blog was created. I have been thinking for a couple of days of something to write on this day. God gave me this scripture:

And so we keep on praying for you, that our God will make you worthy of the life to which he called you. And we pray that God, by his power, will fulfill all your good intentions and faithful deeds. Then everyone will give honor to the name of our Lord Jesus because of you, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the undeserved favor of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 & 12

It is a tough life that Karin's family is walking out. To each individual it is different but there is a gaping hole in their hearts. As time goes on the hole does get less but the hole will never go away. God never dishes out more than we can handle. Karin honored God with her life. Karin honored God with her death. What else is there in life that to honor your creator? N O T H I N G. Keep praying for Karin's family, especially Salina and Noah. Be faithful in praying for them. You are not an innocent by-stander! No, they don't need hands on help everyday anymore, but they will always need your prayers. Life is good! I know Karin would agree.

Jeff and the kids had a great time in New Orleans. I asked (threatened) :) him into giving me some pictures. It was hard coming home to reality. Jeff said it was like "starting all over again". They walked in the door at 2:02 AM (PST) and instead of hitting the bed for some Zzzz's he had to start the washing machine! He knew if he didn't the kids would have no clothes. Then it dawned on him they had no groceries in the fridge. You know Karin, she would have been up at 4 AM buying groceries at Safeway. Then the next morning he had a mountain of work to get too (a good thing) and you can see how this is going. It is all single Dad stuff and that will always be a challenge.

The kids go back to school on Monday.

The pictures: The first one is of the kids and Uncle Bunny (one of Enola's 58 siblings). He celebrated his 80th birthday and thus the reason for the trip. One of the kids in front of the Creole Queen boat; And the last one is of Jeff and his cousin Desire who was the favorite cousin of Karin and one of the bridesmaids in their wedding.

Last week, (I think) I mentioned a card that Jeff & the kids sent Jackson for his 3rd birthday. I cried when I went to the mailbox and saw an envelope stamped "Jeff & Karin Carter" on the return address section. Then I opened the card and cried and laughed all at the same time. What totally sweet kids Salina and Noah are.

Jeff and the kids arrived safely in Louisiana and are having a good time visiting family. I am sure the kids are glad to add a few 'extra" days onto their Spring Break.

Happy PINK day! Can't believe it has been 8 months. :(

Jeff and his mom are taking the kids to Louisiana for Spring Break. Jeff has a lot of family there and there is to be a reunion for his side of the family. Jeff was a little sad to have been packing. Karin did the packing for everyone. I think the distraction will be good for all of them. The kids will have a blast. Pray for a safe trip for them. When I told him to lay out their pink stuff for today he said, "C'mon Beth, who do you think you are talking to?" I thought because the stress of packing for everyone and leaving for the airport at 3AM!! might have made him forget. Silly me!

More later.

Brothers

I am not sure if I have put this picture on the Blog yet. It is one of my favorites. In case you don't know, Noah believes with all his heart that these 3 boys are brothers. They are, in all the ways that matter. This picture was taken when the boys were in Kindergarten and it was "Twin Day". Speaking of brothers, I will have to scan a card that Salina, Noah and Jeff sent for Jackson's birthday. That will come, for now, just enjoy this piece of Karin.

I was waiting in the doctor's off ice the other day and I saw an article in an magazine called AllYou. I have never heard of it?? But there was an article titled "Cut your cancer risk". It listed several things you could do to reduce your chances of getting this awful disease. One of the ways listed was "Put on your sunscreen before you drive". It goes on to explain, "The more time you spend behind the wheel, the higher your chance of developing skin cancer on the left side of your head, neck, arms or hands - all areas that are exposed to the sun while you drive . . . " Their solution is the "slather on sunscreen and put on protective clothing before driving".

Here is a picture that Jeff just sent me. I have never seen this one!!! That means I did not even take it!! Made my day. Brought a smile to my face. Noah is such the cutie pie too. Of course she is wearing her signature color.

Save a Place for Me!!

I know I have put a few songs on here before but this one sums up exactly how I feel, I hope it comforts you too. You can hear it here: http://www.rhapsody.com/matthewwest

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world
off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

I was watching Survivor last night. That always reminds me of Karin. You don't dare call her while it was on. :) Unless, you wanted to purposely tick her off. ;) Several years ago (maybe 3) she watched every episode. The night the finale was on she FORGOT to watch it. It was so hilarious. Every time I watch it I think of her and of all times to miss it . . .

Just a quick post. Salina is still in a little pain from the braces. Nothing a little Tylenol won't help. Dr. Ackerman is WONDERFUL and has taken really good care of Jeff & the kids (and Karin for that matter). Jeff is feeling the stress of being a single parent. I have only done it for a week and he is going on 8 months. Very stressful being out numbered at homework time. He is blessed with a job that gives him flexibility and that is a life saver now. He knows that it is not worth it work from sun up to sun down either. He'd rather be spending time with the kids.

Here is Salina with her new braces. :) Once a cutie, always a cutie!

Nothing is sacred! I just had to delete this post because someone spamed it. Whatever!!

Happy PINK day! And, with that you get my favorite picture.Salina is getting her braces put on today. Big day for her. Can't believe her mom is not there.

Tomorrow is PINK Day!!

I just sat down to tell my husband that I got in trouble for not updating the Blog. I said, "Jeff ran into someone at Target that inquired 'what happened to the Blogger?'" I stopped to ask him if he read the post and he said, "No, but it is about time you give us an update!" Alrighty, I get the picture.

I Just Got Busted!

Jeff just called me to tell me that he was stopped today in Target by a friend that inquired what was going on with the Blog. This person (you know who you are :) ) even rattled off the last day I posted. That is impressive. Thank you for asking, Ms. Target Shopper. That means you care! :)

Of late, I have been at a loss for things to write here. Jeff always tells me "Just write the truth." The truth is ugly and Karin was/is about being positive. I also do not want to be a downer, there is enough of that out there. I promised Jeff that would keep this up as long as he wanted me to. If that is when he is 90 and I am much younger :), I am okay with that. Just think Jeff, when you are 90, it really will not be much longer until you see Karin again.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. I reminded Jeff to go to Target and get the kids their Valentines. For years, Karin and I have always made them. Some years we would make the same things and some years they would be different but they were always cute. It breaks my heart that she is not here to help make a life saver cupid arrow. Last year Karin, Salina and Noah made cute little Hot Chocolate packets with chocolate covered spoons.

For me, it is bittersweet being so far away. I think it is easier because I do not have reminders of Karin all over town. The school, the Starbucks, the preschool. Honestly, I don't know how you that live in Brentwood do it. The reminders I have here on the East Coast are only in my house and when they get to be too much, I can put them away. I have yet to do that though.

The 19th is right around the corner. Better get your PINK shirt ironed.

It is hard for me to believe that a year ago last week my husband and I were in CA and went to Teatro Zinzanni and Karin came with us while Jeff was out showing houses. It was a fun night and it hard to believe a year later we are where we are. How does that happen to a healthy, vibrant, mother of 2 and wife to such a sweet guy??? How?? While I question why, I know that God sees the whole picture and for whatever reason He thought this was going to be best for everyone involved. BEST? You say? Best for a 12 year old and 9 year old to be without their Mom? My Mom died when I was 26 and it is hard, but I was not 9!! But yes, Best. God is still in control here. If we saw the whole picture it would blow us away. That is why He only allows us to see a second at a time. What would I have done if I knew a year ago that Karin was going to die? Other than move into her house and spend every waking moment with her? God is in control. I am sure I speak for everyone in saying we are all different people through this. I know Karin pretty well and if she had to die so that her husband, her daughter, her son would learn to love God more, she would have done it. No questions asked. That was Karin, always giving of herself. ALWAYS. Even when it would put her out, she still gave. God is still in control. Salina and Noah are so blessed to have so many people that love them and love their mother. In fact, when I think about it, I think that is God's hand as well. The Carters know a lot of people. A lot of people to stand in the gap. To fill the missing parts that were left when their Mother went to Heaven. God is good. While this is a hard situation, He has not left us or abdoned us. He says, "Never will I leave you or forsake you." Deut 31:6. He loves Salina and Noah more than Jeff and Karin and all their grandparents put together and certainly has their best interest at the forefront of His mind. Still, it hurts to think of Jeff in the Target Valentine section trying to decide if he should get Fun Dip or Conversation hearts. At the same time I want to jump on a plane and make their Valentines. Believe me, I thought about it.

Well, hopefully, this makes up for the silence. Sorry if this is a downer, but this is what is in my head right now.

I leave you with Jeff's new fav. pic. Hopefully, next week we will have a pic. of Salina with her new smile. What a great looking gal.

Is it me or is it hard to believe Karin has been gone for 6 months? Some days are okay but when I actually stop to think about the reality of the situation I lose it.

Jeff and the kids are plugging along. Last night the kids were both gone so he hung out with the dog and is glad for another beating heart in the house - even if he has to wake up to let it pee at 5am.

Salina will be getting braces next week!! I'll be sure to post a picture of that. Pray for her, my daughter tells me it hurts when they first go on.

This picture is from a much simpler time in life. The picture (for all you that don't live in CA) of Salina and Noah and my kids, Morgan and Cole at California Adventure. Oh, to have that day back.

Happy PINK day everyone!!

Remember Karin working at the Preschool? She was the Eye Candy (: at the front desk and she was the first person the kids would see when they arrived every morning. Here is a story from one of those kids:

"Both of my girls loved seeing and talking with Karin at Celebration. In fact, Jessica thought it was the highlight of any day if she got to go to the front desk and spend time with Karin. It would be the first thing she would tell me about her day when I picked her up. So my daughters and I were talking in the car on Sunday and Jessica asked what heaven was like. I replied that I heard it was beautiful. "She said I bet it's nice. I bet Karin has big beautiful PINK wings and she's wearing a really pretty pink dress." That just made my day! I just smiled at her and said "I bet she does!"

So sweet. Thanks for sharing, Kim.

ALSO, just a reminder that the 19th is coming up. Get your pink shirt out for the first pink day of the new year!

The kids went back to school yesterday. They are doing good. Jeff is hanging in there too. I called him the other morning, can't remember when. I called at 8:30 his time. I think that is late for people that have kids. Karin & I would talk on the phone at 6:00 her time so I am thinking 8:30 would give him time to sleep in. Jeff answered the phone and said, "My wife does not live here anymore. You don't got to call so early!" :) Noah gets them up at O'dark thirty anyway. Since Noah is the prince, he requires someone to MAKE his breakfast for him. So Jeff had to get up and make him a bagel. I told him Cole did the same thing. He is capable of doing it himself but gets some kind of joy out of watching me make it. Whatever!

I hear this song on the Christian radio station we listen to. I bought cd (I know, old school) and every time I hear it reminds me of Karin. Karin lived her life to the fullest. I think we all get so caught up in life that we miss the important stuff. Karin did not do that. She was a great Mom. And a great wife. And a great friend. Here is the song, it is called "How you Live" and is by Point of Grace.

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger
or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and
make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Chorus:
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks
more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay
[Chorus]
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God
and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else
[Chorus]
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did It's how you live